I fell in love once, like that real love
I felt safe, accepted, and seen.
I could be my real self around them
and I know that when times get hard
I could lean on them.
I got this beef with this love
I can’t even trust the process nor myself.
Online dating feels like pointless game
It feels catfishes on each level
Both internally and externally.
I remembered when you ghosted after
getting my hopes up, I felt disappointed
that you were just like every other guy.
I know that leading my decisions in love
will only lead to disappointment.
But, I remember I fell for your cute smile
Your sweet words and brushed aside
Your mismatched words and actions
I found it easier to love the idea of you
rather than the real you.
I believe in our future and I mourned it
when I ended things with you.
I had built castles in my mind that had
a fairy tale ending, and it didn’t exist
because when I woke up it was just a dream.
It has me thinking maybe love isn’t for me!
I’ve dated men more into building themselves
than a relationship and found myself the only
person being in love.I’ve dated men who
never took accountability for their actions
and made me feel small for my shortcomings.
I just have a feeling that maybe being in love isn’t me.
I feel sorry for the man that wants to love me
because I know it won’t be easy.
The thick brick walls of my insecurities and
all my past relationships are there.
How will he tear that down when I’ve barely
managed to do so? I’ve started, but there’s many more
walls to go.
Maybe love isn’t for me?
I hate small talk and interview questions during
the talk stage. I’d figured that if I don’t try,
I won’t get hurt, and if he’s for me it will happen
and if he passes me by..
it isn’t what Allah had planned for me.
To Be honest, maybe being in love isn’t for me?
I stopped thinking about you and you’re still trying
to call me contact me.
Saying.. “I’m sorry and I’ll promise I’ll change.”
It’s funny that once you leave a man he will show you more attention then he ever did when he was with you.
Why do men miss what they can’t have?
I’m done with seeing the potential in men who don’t
embody what I look for. I’m done with carrying a man’s
insecurities and baggage.I need a man who’s light, so when things get heavy he can help me carry them. I’m tired of growing alone.
Maybe love isn’t for me ?
What if it’s worth it.. being loved how I want to be loved?
I am capable and worthy of love.
I have courage to love again.
I’m open to finding my soulmate.
I am enough to be loved
Love is for me and I have so much to give.
What if I find the love I’ve always dreamed of?
What love is for me?
Will it be all that I’ve dreamt it to be?
Flowers4ladan 