After my terrible 2021 breakup that left me jaded and traumatized, I spent a year single. In the beginning of 2022, I started courting again. At the time, I was talking to four or five different guys and going on dates. Each date was worse than the last. The same interview questions were queued in my head while I analyzed each candidate. I just wanted to call the search for love on pause. I have been processing, grieving, and regretting falling in love again for the last year or so. Last year a love was lost, and it took me a while to grieve it. It all started in the IG DMs in March 2022.
He writes, “Are you still accepting applications?” He was shy, reserved, and consistent; I barely showed him the time of day. He was a computer science student and worked night shifts and didn’t have much experience with women. He was a nerd. I would ask him, “So why are you really here in my DMs?” I got tired of the same small talk conversations. I thought.. “Maybe he’s different in person, let me try calling.” I remember the first time we talked; I video called him on Instagram, and he was so shocked that he didn’t answer the first call. Once we talked, I was able to know what he sounded like, how he looked, and he was nervous.
My mom came into the room and asked who I was talking to. She instantly started asking him questions like a pop quiz: “What is your name, where did you grow up, what part of Somalia are you from? What’s your Qabil and what are your parents’ names?” I was so embarrassed; I said, “Hooyo, stop asking him so many questions, this is the first time I’m talking to him!” I could feel my cheeks getting hot, and I was sweating. I wanted to disappear from this conversation and this room. He handled the questions like a pro and was pretty confident, which made this situation a lot better. I think she was concerned because of how difficult my last relationship was, and she didn’t want me to go through that again. Thankfully, he kept in touch and wanted to know more about me.
I told him what I was looking for, and he played the part so well.
I told him I was looking for a guy to send me flowers when he thought about me and write me letters and send them through the mail. He followed through, and his words matched his actions, which was something I had never seen before. He was sweet, soft-spoken, and thoughtful. Despite how busy he was, he always made time for me. I really needed consistency, and that’s what I received from him. Things were going well, and I wanted to meet him before I went to Somaliland. I told him that if we couldn’t meet, I don’t think I can continue talking to you. I basically gave him an ultimatum, and if you know anything about men, they hate that. I just got really tired of long-distance relationships and getting my hopes up that a guy would actually make the effort to see me.
In mid-June, he came to Portland to see me, and I couldn’t believe it. Inflation made plane ticket prices near impossible to afford, and I was worried we wouldn’t see each other. We met during his first full day, and we went to get lunch; I started my period. I was super exhausted and crampy, yet super excited and so nervous. I did all the planning because I really wanted him to feel like he was on vacation, which he desperately needed. I took him to Multnomah Falls so that he could get a taste of what Oregon is truly known for: its nature. I would watch him interact with strangers taking their photos. He then rushed to ask me, “Is it okay that I took her photo? Sorry, I forgot to ask you.” I replied, “Yeah, I’m cool with it; I just can’t believe we are here together.” Then he said, “You didn’t think I was going to come, huh?” “No, I didn’t,” I replied.
Over time, the conversations decreased; he got busier, he would consistently apologize for his absence, and I was left feeling frustrated and alone. After a year and a half, I decided to call it quits. We remained friends and occasionally talked. One day, I just asked him, “Do you understand why I had to break up with you?” The answer wasn’t surprising, but somehow that answer really left me broken-hearted. Not only for myself but for him too.
Flowers4ladan 